Helen hasn’t spoken with her son in more than a year. The last she heard, he was in prison. Now aged 31, he’s been addicted to opioids for more than a decade.
“He’s tried to call me, probably to ask for money, and I have not been picking up,” explains Helen, who lives in England. “Right now, that’s the right decision for my safety and sanity.” As the primary caregiver for her son’s young daughter, Helen’s focus is providing a loving and secure environment for her to grow up in.
Helen remembers her son as an impulsive and destructive child, but with a wicked sense of humour and a kind heart. So, she was confused when, as a teenager, “his behaviour turned hostile and he started locking himself in the toilet for hours at a time”, she recalls. “When I confronted him, he’d tell me I was the mad one, the one on drugs. Sometimes, I wanted to laugh, it was so ridiculous.”
When Helen found out he was using heroin, she didn’t know where to turn. He would disappear for days, returning with all kinds of injuries. When he was at home, he was difficult to be around. “He never hit me, but would often destroy the flat in anger – there’s still a hole in the corridor where he kneed it,” she explains.
At work, she was paid in cash, which she says her son began taking from her wallet. Not wanting to say anything in case he got violent, she began keeping the money in a belt around her waist. “I said my earnings were going straight into an account so I could get a better credit rating,” she says. She ultimately felt unsafe living with someone deep in an addiction, and cut contact with him.
The relationship between a parent and their child is expected to be lifelong – a fruitful, loving bond that can survive any highs and lows. However, for some parents, maintaining this connection can be difficult. Eventually, a parent might feel they have reached a point of no return, and so choose to step away from their role.
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